Each and every year people sit down and ask themselves what they achieved with the previous 365 days, and more importantly, what they plan on achieving with the next 12 months ahead. Isn’t it always the way, however, that by February, the changes and achievements have been scrapped in favour of ones old self.
I’d like to think that in the last year, I have achieved so much. I graduated on my second run in university and I spent three weeks in Florida, which as most of you will now by now, is legit my favourite place in the world. I moved up in my job and I spent more time dedicated to my family – something which was a huge goal of mine with 2016.
But in reality, I became bitter and lonely. I lost someone who I considered the love of my life, and when I sit on the hill of reflection, the horizon only shows me all of the places in which I was at fault. I wasn’t good enough, and I wasn’t good enough because within myself I didn’t feel like I could achieve happiness. As a result of this, I couldn’t make either of us happy, and that was the biggest downfall of all. One of those moments that you can reflect on a million times, and each time you find a new situation in which you could have done better. ‘What if’ doesn’t feed the soul, let me tell you. Another result of the heartbreak was isolation, I locked myself away and surrounded myself with Netflix and food..thus spirals my self confidence. I have lost most of my friends, and I have placed myself in an ivory tower with no Prince Charming to come and save the day, and no weave to climb down from my window. My only social events are the trips me and my mum have taken to her local tea room with my niece, and Sundays spent with the family in mums kitchen. To my friends who thought I abandoned them…I am sorry. To the people I have let down, I am sorry. I will always love each and every one of you.
2016, you have been cruel and you have been life changing. I however, do not stand defeated. For the first time in my adult life, I have learnt how to prioritise myself. How in order to achieve anything, one must be passionate and believe in every step of the journey. You cannot simply say you are going to better yourself without taking the necessary steps to better yourself. Words are not enough.
I use my blog as a platform. Not only to share my incredibly simple recipes, my obsession with travelling and to help those who suffer from mental health illness..but to escape. It is truly the only space in which I feel like it’s okay to say ‘Hey! I am not okay today!’ – my whole family and two remaining friends read this blog every single day, and I feel like this is my way of also telling them when I am struggling, because I cannot bare the thought of them seeing it on my face.
In 2017, I am going to step out of my comfort zone. I am going to reconnect with those friends who let me, I am going to better my financial situation and…I am going to head to Australia. Maybe not forever, but I am so excited to spend any amount of time time with the one person in my life who has never disappeared, no matter how many thousands of miles stand between us. (she also was my first proper kiss when I was 12…awks). I also get to see her adorable little bubba, who I am aptly named the ‘Fairy GodFather’ of – because you know, I am like the gay uncle everybody wants to spend time with.
From time to time, I like to revisit my Open Letter series, and reflect upon how much impact they had for you all, and how much impact they had on me. Who knew that writing 500 angry words, telling the world to stick it would be so therapeutic. I advise you all to give an open letter a go. Whether you are telling the world off, or shouting at yourself. taking the time to write it means that you get it out, and it no longer festers. Therapy.
Whatever your intentions with 2017, whether it is to lose weight, to travel more or to even take life a little less seriously, make sure you do it with happiness and confidence. Because with happiness in one hand and confidence in the other, there is no telling what you can achieve.
Happy New Year!