Friendship. One of the most sacred bonds that two can share. They say friends are the family you choose yourself. Friends are the people who share our most personal of moments, they pick us up when we have fallen. Some know the depths that we wouldn’t dare tell our parents. They hold our hands us through daring moments and pull us back from danger. Yes friends are an incredible existence, but the truth is that they’re not necessarily forever.
I have been on this wonderfully confusing planet for 26 years now, and I have spent most of them in a relationship. In primary school, I was the playground Romeo. I would start the day with one girlfriend before walking down the (pretend) aisle with a different girlfriend at lunch time. I would hold their hand and tell them I loved them only to find they had moved on by the start of the next day.
Have you ever wanted to say something, and you spend a long time lost inside your head conjuring up the perfect structure, finding the right mix of words and stringing together a sentence that you know will take courage to share out loud. And yet, when it comes to saying it, you completely fumble over your words and you know it’s not making sense?
Last weekend I had the immensely proud honour of taking to the panel at the Adoption UK Conference. For those of you who don’t know, I have worked with Adoption UK for a year now. I have graced their magazine, Adoption Today, twice and I have been advocating for the incredible work they do. You see, as an adoptee who grew up in the 90’s and early 00’s, me and my parents were left to fend for ourselves. There was no Adoption UK, there was no support system in place for me to surround myself with people like me. Instead, I was left to answer my own questions and try to find some sort of normal with my family, without any guidance. It was tricky.
Time. A social construct in which we measure the passing of our lives. It controls when we work. What time we wake up. The time in which we go to bed. It can oversee how long before we say “I love you” and the changing of seasons. Time is a funny thing, isn’t it? It controls our whole lives and yet we don’t realise how much we rely on something that was created out of nothing.
But time is more than just a social construct. It is so much more than the passing of days, weeks and years. Time is the greatest healer of them all, you see.
Two words that provoke such a strong conversation.
What does it mean to you? What begins to stir inside when you hear two words that can define and label a person? Do you feel pity for the people who fight against themselves every single day? Do you feel your eyes begin to roll as “just get over it” sits on the edge of your lips? Does fear punch through your stomach as your story begins to unfold within your mind? Or, do you begin to tense up with shame, belittled by the two words that make you embarrassed to be who you are?
My palms feel a little sweaty and I can feel my breath change as I begin typing this. Today is the day.
I hope what you discover can help you in your life.
If someone told me two years ago that I would going to my first proper Pride event in 2018, I would have stared at them in utter disbelief. I have always avoided such events, almost scared of what they hold.
As 2017 burned, things in my life began to shift in a way I had never seen before. I had changed jobs, I had watched my relationship crumble and I had completely lost myself. I no longer noticed who I was when I caught my own reflection. My head felt like unfamiliar territory and I was exploring it alone. I didn’t like who I was becoming, I no longer held on to the things I had invested my passion in. Instead, I became somebody who was simply surviving. Continue reading “Return to work.”
We spend so much time stuck on the past, you and I. I think that is part of the territory with mental health; a part of you is always stuck in the past. Mulling over situations. Analysing every tiny detail, wondering where it went wrong, forgetting to champion the moments that went really well.