A week ago, I started writing a post that would change everything. I didn’t know it at the time, but it would change my life. I look back on the post last week and I am actually rather embarrassed with how deep it all got. For the first time, probably ever, I took a deep breath and told a story I’ve been to ashamed to tell.
I have always been noted for my sheer honesty when it comes to my online persona. You see, online, I have a free forum of being as brutally honest as I want to be, and I don’t feel an ounce of guilt for it. In person, I have that same honest streak but it’s toned down, scared to go against the grain.
When I asked to do the #ILiveItIBlogItCampaign I had absolutely no idea what I was gong to write about. The reason I sporadically blog is because I can never plan my posts. I can never preselect the theme and draw upon my memory to write what needs to be written. Instead I have to be fired up, caught in a moment, ready to attack with the keyboard at my fingertips. When I opened my laptop to begin my work for the campaign, I had no idea that I was going to write a post that would be seen by thousands. So many of you have admired my bravery, and have come out of the shadows to tell me that I inspired you. Throughout it all, I realised something that I never did before..
I finally fit into the blogging world.
You see, the campaign was all about celebrating diversity. We all have different reasons for opening our minds to our readers. We all celebrate different milestones from blog views to being able to build our own websites from the ground up. We all blog for a reason. Whether it’s to inspire others, or maybe it’s for money. I have never stood under any of those categories. I have always been the type of person who writes because it gives me an outlet. I have so much pent up anger and frustration at the world and my circumstances that I find this little website is my only source of letting it go.
It has helped unite myself with my family, too. Time and time again they applaud me for my bravery and my honesty, but it also allows them to see a side of me that I wouldn’t let them see otherwise. Blogging is this absolutely incredible tool that has so leaves so many ripples. It stretches far and wide, and every singe one of you who call yourself a blogger should be immensely proud.
Finally, for the first time since 2010, I am starting to believe in myself. I am starting to understand that experiencing pain doesn’t have to be a permanent affair. Instead, I can let the wounds heal and the scars fade, taking with them a lesson in strength. I am stronger than I realise. You are stronger than your realise. Whether you’ve lost someone close to you, or whether you didn’t do well enough in your GCSE’s – it still hurts. Pain is pain. Hearts are broken for many different reasons. But whilst you still feel the pain, you still have a heart, and that to me means you have a whole lot of hope.
Blogging should never be about views or followers or how much we’re paid for sponsored posts. It should be about us taking time to create something that is completely ours.
A break up should never be about who was in the wrong. I look at my ex and I am immensely proud of all that he is achieving. We still talk, we still care about the others happiness, and that is okay. Losing my first boyfriend meant that I didn’t do enough to keep the boyfriends that followed. I recognise that now, maybe a little too late. But what I also recognise is that it’s okay for you to be happy for the person you once loved. Time spent bitter is time wasted.
I am immensely proud that you all now have a piece of James with you. For so long, I have kept him tight, protecting him and us and the life we shared. I cannot tell you how much lighter my shoulders have felt since that first post. I can’t tell you how incredible it is to see him live on in your messages and your tweets of admiration.
I think what we can all take from the #ILiveItIBlogIt campaign though is that we are one unit. Whether you use marble flat lays or have 36 followers on Twitter. Whether you’re like me, and completely doubt yourself with every word you type, we are all here for the same reason, and that is because writing and creative content is our happy place.
If you’re busy being somebody else then who is being you?
Enough of the mush though, I am starting to remember I have a heart and it makes me really uncomfortable.
See you on Wednesday.
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